you can’t escape death

People get so distraught when someone dies even if the person was really old. It wasn’t a surprise, you knew the time was coming. It doesn’t make it any easier though. We become so upset because, even though we realize that everyone dies and the person had already lived a long life and was reaching that age, it’s hard to let go when you are so close and connected with someone.
“It’s business, don’t take it personal.” Life is business. There are universal laws that are included in life, and one of them is that one day you will die. We shouldn’t take it personal when the person was able to live a long and full life. (I can understand being upset when the death is unexpected and/or the person was still younger.)
Until recently I looked at death as business. It’s the rules of the game. If you want to play, you need to follow the rules. As of yet, no one has figured out a way to break the “you have to eventually die” rule. I was ok with this; I understood this. Yes, I was sad when someone I knew passed away, but it wouldn’t devastate me.
Looking at it now I can see that this is the reason I wouldn’t let myself get really close and connected with people. 1) so I can’t be disappointed by them in the future, and 2) so it wouldn’t hurt so much when they left (or died). It was my defense. If I didn’t let people in then I couldn’t get hurt as much. It’s a pretty decent motto to live by when you really think of it! Real life is much less painful this way.
Now that I’m in a serious relationship I definitely look at things differently. I knew pretty soon into the relationship that he was the one, and it makes it very difficult when I imagine that one day he can be taken away from me. No one knows when it’s their time, and not everyone lives until they’re old and wrinkled. If he passes away before me, I know I’m going to be completely devastated.
I never realized until today the true reason why I wouldn’t let myself get close to anyone. I kept a safe distance. Obviously I don’t regret being with my boyfriend, and I can’t say I regret all the years of kind of being alone and not really letting anyone in. It’s just interesting to finally realize why I had put up a wall for so long.

breaking up is hard to do

Internet has changed our world. We are now consumed by the media and news outlets everywhere we turn: TV, newspapers, magazines, radio, and almost every single internet web page we view. Ads are implemented into our Facebook timelines telling us what to buy, where to shop, and what groups to join.


What was that, Facebook, there’s now an innovating new-found fruit that can just melt away my belly fat? Well, meet me in the supermarket, it’s time to start another trendy diet!


With Facebook, Twitter,,, and political blogs in excess, who needs face to face contact with actual human beings? Human interaction is overrated, right? Who needs new friends after moving to a new city? Apparently, not this girl.


Four months into my move, in a community of one million citizens, I’ve yet to make a new friend. With such a diverse population, surely I can make one single friend. With my nose in the computer screen, internet consumes my day. I suspect I am not alone with this issue. In today’s world, millions of individuals have shifted to predominantly consuming media online. I feel online media has recently had a negative impact in my life.


While I should be attending events and meeting new people in this massive city, I sit here instead on my couch letting the internet slowly drain the life out of my unsuspecting body. Who needs friends when I can hold conversations on Facebook and blogs? Who needs interaction with others when Google can answer every question I have? Who needs to breathe in fresh oxygen while sitting outside of the local coffee shop perusing the New York Times? I have and to update me in worldly politics.


Once you’re so drawn into the internet, it’s hard to see anything passed the endless abyss of information. You’re mesmerized by the sparkle of the monitor and your mind is zombified by the endless cat videos. Sure, that eHarmony cat lady will bring tears of laughter, but this laughter is deceiving. Sure, I had a moment of happiness, but that isn’t real happiness.


We as living beings need tangible interaction with others. We need the comfort of spending time with family, and the stimulation we receive when we create adventures with our best friend.


I need to cut the electrical umbilical cord. I need to get outdoors and soak in the Florida-grade Vitamin D and get some color into this pasty looking birthday suit. I need to consume less media and experience more LIFE.


Goodbye internet. We need to breakup.

Marriage Isn’t For You

A couple years ago, when I was living the single life being selfish & having my fun, I wouldn’t have understood this. It’s been the most amazing 15 months & I completely agree with this viewpoint on love & marriage. Love really does open your mind & heart in so many ways. I’m a completely different person – I’m not the selfish girl I used to be. He’s helped me become a better, more loving, less selfish-me & encourages me to do greater things. I only hope I do as much for him.

Seth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each…

View original post 594 more words

title unknown

and maybe I’ve been given solace
and maybe my heart renewed
Maybe a seed’s been planted
night brings the morning dew

I could spend time mourning
for opportunities washed away
moments and opportunities wasted
the things I didn’t say

or I can celebrate life
and what you gave me
celebrate dreams
I’ve yet to dream
Celebrate times we had together
not worrying what they mean
–G A Rosenberg

I changed my direction

Sometimes life just feels like it moves so slow. I think ‘this isn’t how I want my life to be at this age’, but then I realize this is exactly how I had planned my life to be at this age.

Completely independent, out of the Midwest, living alone, decent job, all the material things that make me happy. My entire life, up until a couple years ago, this is exactly how I wanted my life to be at 30. I never wanted kids or a family or even to get married.

It’s funny how you live your whole life working towards a goal, & then out of the blue somehow you change & now you need something complete opposite of what you’ve been working for. My life right now is exactly how I had always expected it to be, but I’VE changed.

What I want & need have changed. I’d always wanted to be alone; now I need someone. I need that one person I can trust & depend on & share my deepest fears with. I want a family. I want kids. And now it feels like I’m starting over all the way back at the beginning. It feels like I have this long journey ahead of me to reach these goals & it sucks because I’ve already spent 30 years wasting time on being alone. I don’t have years to waste anymore.

Life feels like its moving way to slowly.

give me a damn hammer

It’s hard to let your “wall” down in a new relationship. You’re putting yourself out there & trusting (more like praying) that this person won’t hurt you.

“I miss you” reveals that you’re not as independent as you thought you were. You’re telling this person that I need you in my life & when you’re not there, even for a moment, my heart hurts. You’re showing this person your deepest weakness & vulnerability. You’re saying “I need you” & trusting them not to take advantage of that. You’re trusting that they’re not going to scoff at your confession & deny their feelings for you. You’re trusting them not to brush it off & act like its no big deal, because they don’t miss YOU.

How do you break down someone’s wall? Does it ever get to a point when you should just accept the loss & that it will never change & just walk away? Or is this one of the “for better or worse” & you need to just suck it up & deal with the fact that they won’t open up?

water your own lawn

Last night an old girl friend of mine back home said she was jealous of my exciting life here in Florida & that I’m living the life most South Dakotans want. I’ve gotten this a lot over the past few years. Since high school I’ve moved around the country a lot. I’ve always been single (until now) & child-less, so I’ve had more opportunities than most people who I grew up with.

I had to break the news to her though that my life is definitely not as exciting as it looks on Facebook. Sure it has its moments, but overall my life is kind of bland since moving here 20 months ago. I explained how I work a lot & with my weird work hours the only time I have to hang out with anyone is the weekends. I’ve drifted away from most of the friends I made when I moved here because I rarely had a chance to hang out; especially when 7 months out of the year I’m working 55 hours every single week. So the weeks for me get lonely. My boyfriend lives an hour away & is in Law school so with our schedules the only time we have together is weekends. Our long conversations after work are the highlights of my weekdays.

The grass really does look greener on the other side, but it’s just an illusion. Sometimes the sun hits it just right & makes it glimmer a little extra, but it’s all the same.

Other people’s lives usually look more exciting & less stressful than yours. Other people seem to have their shit together more. But really, it’s no better. You need to take advantage of the opportunities in YOUR life & appreciate the things you have.

People may be envious of my family-free & care-free lifestyle, but sometimes I’m envious of them. Sure it’s nice to be able to, for the most part, do what I want when I want & go wherever I want, but there’s no one watching the headlights out the living room window waiting for me to come home every day. I don’t get to influence a young child everyday & help mold them into decent human beings. I don’t have someone to cuddle up to in bed on cold nights. When I wake up from a nightmare there’s no one there to comfort me. I don’t get hugs every day or kisses or someone telling me how special I am.

It’s easy to lose sight of the important things we have in our own lives sometimes. Remember the amazing things you have that OTHER PEOPLE are probably envious of & then APPRECIATE those things.

planting one seed at a time

People’s ignorance saddens me.


Religious people want to include a fertilized egg in the protection against murder, yet they eat thousands of animals a year. How does this make sense?


The two answers I’ve received on this are:

1)      Because God said we’re superior to animals and for us to kill and eat them (it’s in the Bible)

2)      Because animals don’t have a soul (it’s also in the Bible)


Wow. Really?


jesus facepalm



One of the arguments I heard was “The Bible says humans are made in God’s image and therefore killing a human is killing something made in the image of God. It’s a direct rejection of him. The Bible also specifically tells us we can use animals for food. People are over and above animals since we are made in God’s image. Placing animals at the same level as mankind is unbiblical.”

He goes on to state “This is not about religion; it’s about obedience to our creator.”


Ok, first of all, can you please at least make religion sound less like a cult? ( Second, you’re going to base humanities right to kill on your beliefs? It’s your belief. No one can prove that God wants us to murder & eat animals. But I CAN PROVE to you that animals have nerve ending like us, they feel pain like we do & feel fear, and they also have the ability to think & problem solve like we do (and even BETTER than us in some cases). I CAN PROVE all this to you.


Also, if God made animals to be inferior to us & for us to just eat, then why did he not make them without nerve endings so they won’t feel pain? Or without a functioning brain so they won’t feel fear? Why did he make some animals on the same intelligence level as humans? If they’re supposed to be inferior then why didn’t he create them as such? So much for being a kind & loving God….


This same guy then went on to argue “Per the Bible, which I believe to be God’s word, we have dominion over the animals. So yes, we are commanded by God in his word to rule over the animals. Simply enough, his word is good enough for me.”


His word is good enough for me. Something a book tells you is good enough? That’s valid enough to allow humans to torture & murder animals when it’s completely unnecessary? Humans don’t need to eat animal meat to live, and this isn’t the olden days we don’t need animal skins for our clothing, we’re past that.


If you will follow & obey every torture a book tells you to do, then you are blind & ignorant. That is not God’s word; it is a book. If the Bible told you to molest little boys would you do it? If the Bible told you to bomb a city would you do it? You need to be rational.


“If a religious book told me to do those things, I would question the God I’m serving” he answered.


Oh, so if the Bible tells you to do that, THEN you would question it… but let’s not question the killing of innocent animals?



The second argument I heard (from another guy) was “It’s ok to eat animals because they don’t have a soul.” (per the Bible… again)


How exactly does one know if you have a soul?? Gingers don’t have a soul; is it ok to kill & eat them?


All jokes aside, seriously how do you measure whether a living being has a soul or not? You can’t scientifically prove if anyone has a soul. So, because a book tells you that animals don’t have souls you are just going to believe that?


Think about it for a minute: animals are pretty close biologically to humans. Most of us all have the basic body orifices: eyes, mouth, pee hole, shitter. We all have nerve endings, we physically feel pain & pleasure, we emotionally feel fear & joy, we have a natural instinct to protect ourselves & our children, and we all have the capability to think & problem-solve (studies have shown that many animals are actually highly intelligent). Why would you ever think that one would have a soul versus another?


“Animals don’t have souls because they don’t have a religion” he just kept trying to convince me. So now having a religion constitutes whether you will have a soul or not? So because Atheists don’t believe in religion that means they don’t have a soul? We went back & forth on that for a bit, with no end in sight.



In the end it all boils down to one thing:

If you murder a living being based on a book then you’re not being realistic. This isn’t faith. This is SPECIESISM. There is a difference. People torture & murder animals for food & fashion because they think they are BETTER than the animals; that humans are more deserving & can impose their power on the weak (animals). This makes people no better than serial killers.


Definition of speciesism:

Explanation of speciesism:



This brings us back to the original point: People who are religious, hold a fertilized egg (which technically isn’t even a being yet) at a higher concern that that of an actual living breathing fearful animal. Because their book tells them this is the way it should be. This is speciesism at its worst.


The path to changing the world is a long treacherous road.





the future can’t hide from me

I’ve always noticed that I’m sensitive to other people’s energies. I can usually read people pretty well, which I think has helped keep me out of trouble lol. I’ve had some psychic moments where I get this overwhelming feeling in my stomach that something is wrong & shortly after I get that feeling something happens. I’ve also had little things happen like “knowing” the next song that’s going to come on the radio & just “knowing” other little things. It’s usually small things that happen, & I’m so used to it now. People will ask how I knew & my answer is always “I don’t know, I just had a feeling”.

I had my weirdest episode yesterday. I took a nap & I had a dream I was hanging out with some old friends in a house. My friend (we’ll call him Kevin) was exhausted & passed out on a chair in the living room, & his baby of maybe 4 months old was laying on the floor playing with toys. It was totally out of the blue having a dream about this friend; we haven’t even talked in a little while & he lives across the country from me.

So I Facebook messaged Kevin:
Hey stranger! I had a dream that you had a baby. Well you didn’t physically have a baby, but apparently you were involved in the making of it lol. Be careful up there!! ;p

I definitely wasn’t prepared for the response I received:
For real? We just found out we’re pregnant.

At first I thought he was just messing around, but I’ve never known him to joke about serious stuff like that. Sure enough, Kevin & his girlfriend found out they’re pregnant 2 weeks ago & no one knows except their immediate family. Very weird! I had a positive feeling during the dream, not the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, so we’re taking it as a good omen that they’re going to have a healthy baby.

The crazy thing is that this isn’t the first time I’ve sensed a pregnancy. It’s the third!! The 2 times in my life that I legitimately thought I was pregnant, both times it ended up that my best friend at the time was actually the one who was pregnant. Both friends didn’t know they were pregnant, & when they found out they were then that’s when my phantom pregnancy symptoms stopped. It’s a joke now: next time I think I’m pregnant I’ll just have my best friend take a test lol.

I’ve had so many of these different psychic episodes; I wish I knew how to understand it & control it more.

eating towards a longer life

Animal Products = Cholesterol
Adding Cholesterol to our body = Heart Disease

This has been known for a long time now, yet at this point it seems our society just *accepts* that this is their fate. They accept that most people in America die from heart disease. They also know that the cholesterol in animal products *cause heart disease* It’s like society has decided that instead of changing what we eat, we’re just going to accept the fact that we’re probably going to die from heart disease at an age much younger than we should die at.

That sounds perfectly logical… right?


Do those steaks and chicken wings really taste good enough to forfeit 10-15 years of your life?

“Since our bodies make plenty of cholesterol for our needs, we do not need to add any in our diet. Cholesterol is found in all foods that come from animals: red meat, poultry, fish, eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, and every other meat and dairy product. Choosing lean cuts of meat is not enough; the cholesterol is mainly in the lean portion. Many people are surprised to learn that chicken contains as much cholesterol as beef. Every four-ounce serving of beef or chicken contains 100 milligrams of cholesterol. Also, most shellfish are very high in cholesterol. All animal products should be avoided for this reason. No foods from plants contain cholesterol.” —

I’m not saying you’re evil for eating animals. I’m not saying you’re a cruel & horrible person. I’m asking what’s more important to you: meat or your life? Who wouldn’t want to spend an extra 10-15 years with their family? Watch your kids grow up & start families of their own. Who wouldn’t want more time to enjoy the world & do all the things you haven’t had the balls to try yet?

I’m definitely not saying it’s easy to change your diet. I had tried numerous times in my life to go vegan “for the animals”. The only time it finally worked was when I *HAD* to go vegan. When my body started rejecting dairy & meat is when I finally had to buck up & DO IT. Now that I have, and with all the information I’ve been learning, I’m glad I didn’t wait any longer to make the change!

Heart disease isn’t a very big genetical factor for me, thankfully, so if I stay on the plant-based diet path I think I’ll be ok in the heart department. But, I look at all the people in my life that I care about & I honestly worry!! Some of you actually have heart disease running rampant in your family history; how can you NOT want to do something to change that?!? This one alteration in your life can change your future & either you don’t know about it or you just don’t want to listen. I swear, some of you are so freaking stubborn!!! It’s a fact that consuming meat, cheese, milk, eggs, seafood, etc give you cholesterol; & it’s a fact that all that cholesterol is the NUMBER ONE cause of heart disease. Yet, you won’t listen.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I really should learn CPR. At least this will be the one way I can try to help you.